Up Almost Two Pounds

According to the scale at work, I am now at 98.7. Gah, I don't suppose it's all muscle. *lol* I have no idea, but I'm happy. Forgot to weight myself on Friday, and couldn't over the weekend, but I had a lovely Mother's Day off, and I made sure to work out that day, too.

Friday

It's my "weigh day" tomorrow. I'm getting nervous. I at least hoping that I gained a pound. I know I've read that realistically you can probably only put on about 5 or 10 lbs. a year of real muscle. That really sucks for me. Ugh.

Not A Morning Person

(Picture is not me! I'm a girl.) I'm definitely not a morning person. I set my alarm, to 6 a.m. this morning, and I woke up and everything, but secretly wished I could fall asleep again. I lay in bed for a good 15 minutes, closing my eyes and wanting to go to sleep again but at the same time knowing I had to get up. I had to do the work. I can't just wish for it and have it happen. I needed to do something different as what I normally do to achieve the change, as goes one of my favorite quotes. So I started remembering the post I had written last night, about the girl who claims she wants to be like "one of those stupid, slutty girls with a fast metabolism", and I immediately bolted out of bed, ate my breakfast of a peanut butter sandwich (absolutely no milk) and orange juice, changed and left the house, thinking to myself the whole time, "I am not stupid nor slutty, and I do have a fast metabolism, but I refuse to keep being told that I'm some anorexic girl like her!"

Want to know what's truly pathetic and amazing? As I scrolled through said crazy girl's blog, I found another post of hers in which she claims her BMI is 25 point something, technically overweight. Here we have this bitch who can't just get "skinny" properly, just chooses to starve two days in a row and then binges and barfs the third day. She is FAT, and she is ANOREXIC. I AM SKINNY, AND I AM NOT ANOREXIC!!!! Bloody f*ck*ng HELL. Times like these I honestly wish I had been born with balls. I wouldn't have to go through this shit. I doubt people would seriously think I was anorexic. "Oh, he's just a SKINNY GUY."

So today, I worked out for twenty minutes or so my legs. Thighs/hamstrings and calves. I feel great now, so at peace. I don't understand why people don't like to exercise. It's like the best legal high you can get, besides an orgasm.

Look What I've Found...

The Anorexic Queen

Wow. Just wow. These girls have their heads on backwards, in my opinion. I found this site a little while ago, and so far I'm thinking it's going to be pretty motivational for me, too. I'm also starting to see into the heads of the people I am constantly being told that I "am". Um, I'm not at all like these girls. Geez, if I were, I would've chosen a quicker way to commit suicide, surely. At least I'm trying to be kind to my body and actually get it healthier. These girls seem to love torturing themselves, because they completely hate themselves.

To quote one post there that really irked me: "i hate all this... i wish i could be one of those stupid slutty girls with fast metabolisms, hah. they eat all day, drink alcohol, do drugs, and still manage to look like they're under 100 lbs..."

Girls with fast metabolisms are stupid and slutty? Why would ever want to be that? I think I'll start assuming all anorexic girls are mentally retarded and would be better off killing themselves, or sterile, so that the idiocies don't perpetuate...!

*hmmphf* Sorry, blood started to boil there... I think I'm going to seriously print out that quote and tape it above my bed and onto my desk.

Morning Milk

Despite being incredibly low on dough right now, I went ahead anyway and purchased food for the week. So now I'm down to less than $30. Can't wait for Friday when I get paid. I bought the usual items, potato salad, meat, rice, some fruits, and I also decided to try out Lactaid.

Yesterday morning, I drank a supplemental drink called "Boost", which contains almost 400 calories in a little bottle, so I figured I could check it out to see if it was a good weight gainer. Nope. One little bottle gave me as much diarrhea as a bowl of milk (2 cups). So that evening, when I went to go get food I bought Lactaid brand milk to test it out. Had about 4 cups of it for dinner, and it was fine. No gas. No diarrhea. Stomach was silent. I tried it again for breakfast this morning, had about a cup and a half, and although I did not experience the same immediate feelings of gas and stomach gurgling, after drinking the last cup I did start to get a few chills like I would normally get with regular milk, and eventually had to go to the toilet and again experienced diarrhea. I have no idea what it is. Is it really lactose intolerance or just that my stomach can't handle food very well that early in the morning?

SQUATS...

CRYST... I only managed to do 11 and I had to stop. All the blood started to flow down there, ugh, I just had to stop. Felt like I was gonna explode... XD

What do I do now? I can't do squats without getting horny... lawd al' mighty...!

Jillian Michaels